There was a mouse in my bed this morning.
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Yes, a mouse, in my bed… while I was in my bed.
Just to be clear, we were sharing my bed – this mouse and I.
It was a fleeting co-habitation, certainly, but way too long as far as I’m concerned.
You’ve never seen a bedside lamp snap on so quickly – like a trap.
The moment the mouse in question made the hapless assumption that a bit of rummaging around in the bed where I lay would be harmless for both of us, he crossed an invisible line.
That was the point at which I officially lost my cool.
Actually, I knew exactly where my cool was.
At 4.30 in the morning, it was absolutely everywhere but under the covers with me.
Which is why I hadn’t reacted when I heard the distinctive sounds of a mouse chewing on a plastic pen on my bedside table.
I was snuggled in so deep and warm, feeling quite safe and way too tired to react – it was only a mouse after all.
But as soon as that mouse made the monstrous mistake of placing one tiny little paw on my doona cover, it was all over red rover; very, very “not happy Jan”.
So, having been polite up until now, it’s time the mice know their place.
And their place is most definitely outside, well away from my soft furnishings and anything else clean and lovely that I don’t want gnawed on by hungry mice or pooped on by well-fed mice.
The gloves are coming off, and I’m pulling out the big guns.
Of course, I don’t actually have any big guns, worst luck.
Just a few mediocre mouse traps that aren’t as deadly as I would like.
And oh how I wish I’d left the gloves on, as my left thumb is throbbing after one of my big guns went off unexpectedly while I was setting it.
I’m currently using peanut butter as bait now.
However it seems my little furry friends are able to nibble that off a trap carefully and still escape.
As long as they don’t manage to nibble off my nose while I sleep, I guess I’ll survive the season.
But for the first time ever, I wish I had a cat.
Yolande Grosser